Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
