You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
