and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
