my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
why is half of my head shaved?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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