All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
