You really coming over, don't trick.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
