when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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