1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
