it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
