i wish my penis had a tongue
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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