I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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