ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
