She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
