we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
