Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
