so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I could fuck to npr.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
