I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
