it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
