I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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