babies were throwing up all over the place
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
