Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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