Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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