Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize