morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
