Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize