My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
this is an emotional support booty call
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
