...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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