Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
