that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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