i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
