I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
