Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize