i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
