well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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