I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
