My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
