Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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