Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
