In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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