Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
