Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
