I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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