i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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