well I can't set my house on fire every night
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
They are going to name an STD after you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
