you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
