I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
