Its about making memories worth repressing
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
