Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
