her facebook's as public as her vagina
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
