One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
