A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
