Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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