i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
