There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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