the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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