My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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