Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
