I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
