i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
