why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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