i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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