Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
