her vagine was all disorganized.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
