i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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