Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
