listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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