with your own penis?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
