??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
