im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
