I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
