Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
