So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
