I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
